You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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