K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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