Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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