I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
