You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
