you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
