very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
