You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
being pregnant is like rehab
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize