Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
