I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
