awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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