My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
