Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
