Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
