yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
