just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
