Soap is not a condiment
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
