I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
