How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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