I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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