the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
