I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
