Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
