i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
