my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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