Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
