since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
