so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
