the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
