Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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