I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
