the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
