You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
