I skipped work to stalk him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
