i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
