Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
