i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
