i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
