i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
