ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
