I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
