i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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