hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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