Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
