I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
