question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
