summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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