Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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