so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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