Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have post one night stand depression
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
