and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
