Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Semen is not good for contacts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
