Porn is love you can see.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
