I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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