No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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