weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
