what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love you.
Bad choice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
