Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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