Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
