So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
