a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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