he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I came so hard my ears popped.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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