She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Damn victory sex feels great
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
