Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize