the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
