piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
