The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
