He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
