this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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