speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
