The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
