After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everclear isn't food dammit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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