Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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