the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
