i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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