It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
