Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
