The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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