The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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