The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
